Sorry, you need to enable JavaScript to visit this website.

Social Care and Support Icon

I'm working with someone suffering domestic abuse (professionals)

Middlesbrough Council is committed to the long term prevention and reduction of domestic abuse. We believe that every individual and family in the town should feel safe and secure, and be free from experiencing violence or abuse.

View the council's:

Working with adults

Practitioners should proactively engage with those who are vulnerable and hidden, at the earliest opportunity, rather than only reactively engaging with those who are in crisis or at imminent risk of serious harm.

When supporting a victim of domestic violence and abuse it may help to follow these guidelines.

Support – if a victim tells you about a violent or abusive situation, listen, offer support, and help them decide what the next step is.

Remember to be non-judgemental – victims mustn't feel that they're being pressurised or judged by people they approach for help, even if they've made a previous decision to return to, or take back, their violent partner.

Give victims choice – when presented with options, victims should decide for themselves what they do next, so they feel in control of their life.

Remind victims that the violence and abuse isn't their fault. Many who live with violence and abuse blame themselves. Whatever the circumstances, violence and abuse can't be justified. Violent partners will often blame the victim for their actions.

Reassure them about their children – many victims don't seek help because of a fear that their children will be taken into care. Violent partners often play on this fear. It's important to stress that this won't happen unless there's an indication of serious neglect or abuse.

Equal opportunities – domestic violence and abuse affects all victims regardless of age, race, disability, and sexuality. It's important that victims are treated as individuals and that assumptions aren't made about what a victim will or won't want because of their age, or because of ethnicity, disability, sexuality, and/or whether s/he has children

Confidentiality – victims must know that any information they give will be treated as confidential, including their whereabouts, and won't be passed on without their permission unless there are safeguarding or legal reasons for doing so. (The boundaries of confidentiality should be clearly identified – refer to your own agency and/or local multi-agency guidelines relevant to domestic abuse and child protection).

Believe – victims shouldn't be required to provide proof of violence (e.g. bruising). Physical assault is only one aspect of domestic abuse. Threats of violence and mental cruelty are equally as damaging as physical violence. Victims should be believed on the basis of their own statements and shouldn't be required to provide supporting evidence from witnesses.

Never assume that the violence isn't serious. Some victims will minimise their experience or only refer to less serious incidents. Always assume that they're at risk and give information accordingly, so that if an emergency occurs the victim will know what to do.

Reassure the victim that there are many agencies that can help. The important thing is that the person feels supported. If you feel that you're not the best agency to provide advice, contact one of the specialist agencies like Harbour, My Sisters Place, or Halo.

If possible, talk to the victim in private. Ensure that anyone who may be the perpetrator can't overhear the conversation, and check with the victim in a discreet way if they'd like someone to be with them, e.g. a friend

If an interpreter is needed make sure they're clear about their role and about the rules of confidentiality under which they're working. The victim must feel comfortable with who the interpreter is and the way they work, and agree to them being present. Always speak directly to the victim and not to the support person.

Have as much information available as possible before the discussion begins. Basic information about options and agencies who can help is useful, and will save you from having to keep interrupting the discussion.

  • Listen carefully
  • Prioritise the victim, and their children's, safety
  • Find out what the victim wants and let them choose what they need from you
  • Find out if the victim would prefer to talk to someone else (e.g. a woman, an Asian woman)
  • Provide information about options, and don't make choices for the victim
  • Tell the victim about services which can help
  • Focus on facts, and keep opinions to yourself
  • Believe the victim and reassure them that it's not their fault
  • Be clear about confidentiality
  • Be patient and respectful
  • Ask the victim what is the safest way of contacting them
  • Keep clear records and don't disclose any information that may put the victim at risk
  • Be clear about safeguarding procedures and information sharing

     

  • Panic
  • Look shocked or horrified
  • Assume the violence isn't serious
  • Talk too much
  • Tell the victim what to do
  • Guess at the information
  • Expect too much
  • Moan about how things are
  • Offer more than you can deliver
  • Act as a mediator or point of contact with the perpetrator

Working with children

Children who live with domestic violence and abuse may feel:

  • Powerless: because they can't stop the violence
  • Confused: because it doesn't make sense
  • Angry: because it shouldn't be happening
  • Guilty: because they think they've done something wrong
  • Sad: because it's a loss
  • Afraid: because they may be hurt, they may lose someone they love, others may find out
  • Alone: because they think it's only happening to them

When talking to children about domestic abuse, tell them that:

  • What's happening isn't okay
  • It's not your fault
  • It must be scary for you
  • I'll listen to you
  • I'm sorry you had to see/hear it
  • You don't deserve to have this in your family
  • There's nothing you could've done to prevent it/change it
  • Talk about it with them when they are ready
  • Listen to them
  • Talk about their feelings
  • Show understanding
  • Let them know it’s not their fault
  • Let them talk, if they want to
  • Let them know you will try to keep them safe/act in a way that is safe
  • Let them know that violence is not OK
  • Acknowledge it’s hard/scary for them
  • Accept that they may not be willing or able to talk about it right away
  • They'll learn that violence is normal
  • They're afraid to talk about the violence
  • They're confused, don't understand
  • They blame themselves
  • They learn to deny and not talk about their own feelings
  • It makes them feel like they're crazy
  • It makes them feel isolated and lonely
  • They learn that it's not okay to ask about the violence or discuss it
  • It gives the children unrealistic beliefs about the cause of violence
  • Children feel safer
  • They learn that violence isn't their fault
  • They learn that violence isn't an OK way to solve problems
  • It helps them to feel cared for, and understood
  • Children learn that it’s OK to talk about feelings

DASH Risk Checklist

What is DASH? Read our quick guide.

When someone is experiencing domestic abuse, it's vital to make an accurate and fast assessment of the danger they're in, so they can get the right help as quickly as possible. The DASH risk checklist is a tried and tested way to understand risk. DASH stands for domestic abuse, stalking and 'honour-based' violence.

Download the DASH risk checklist.

Get more information about DASH.

Video: An introduction to risk identification in domestic abuse cases

Guidance

Currently there is no Domestic Abuse Perpetrator Programme running. Please contact Route2 for more information.

Documents

Are your parents using alcohol or drugs? template

My Family Plan template

Three houses template

Resources and guidance

The Hideout is a safe space to help children and young people understand domestic abuse

Disrespect NoBody helps young people understand what a healthy relationship is.

'Safe young lives: young people and domestic abuse' report by Safe Lives

The term 'Toxic Trio' is used to describe the issues of domestic abuse, mental ill health, and substance misuse, which have been identified as a common features of families where harm to children has occurred. They are viewed as indicators of increased risk of harm to children and young people.

Safe Lives guidance on risk, threat and the Toxic Trio

What is stalking?

Report a stalker

Support services

National Stalking Helpline
Phone: 0808 802 0300
National Stalking Helpline website

Paladin, National Stalking Advocacy Service
Providing advocacy to anyone at risk of serious harm or homicide from a stalker.
Phone: 020 3866 4107
Paladin website

Suzy Lamplugh Trust
Aiming to reduce the risk of violence and aggression through campaigning, education and support.
Phone: 0808 802 0300
Suzy Lamplugh Trust website

Adopting a trauma-informed approach to domestic abuse means attending to the survivor’s emotional as well as physical safety.

Just as services help victims and survivors to increase their access to economic resources, physical safety, and legal protections, using a trauma-informed approach means they assist survivors in strengthening their own psychological capacities to deal with multiple complex issues that many face when accessing safety, recovering from the trauma of domestic abuse, other lifetime abuse, and rebuilding their lives.

It also means ensuring victims and survivors of domestic abuse have access to services in an environment which is inclusive, welcoming, and non-retraumatising.

For more information about the trauma-informed approach, visit the My Sister’s Place website or call them on 01642 241 864.

Information is available about additional support in place for victims of domestic abuse who are receiving Universal Credit.

Examples of support include temporary exemptions from work-related requirements, and the ability to split Universal Credit payments between two accounts, giving the victim the ability to manage and safeguard their own money.

Help available from the Department for Work and Pensions for people who are victims of domestic violence and abuse (Universal Credit is section 5)

What is Clare's Law? Read our quick guide.

The domestic violence disclosure scheme is often called 'Clare's Law' after the landmark case that led to it.

Clare's Law gives any member of the public the right to ask the police if their partner may pose a risk to them.

Under Clare's Law, a member of the public can also make enquiries into the partner of a close friend or family member.